I NEVER INTENDED TO COME !

We set out from home back on Friday;
The weather was stormy, but mild.
The object in view
Was a family do,
The Silver Wedding of our first-born child.

It was great ! Then we made our way homewards
With an overnight stop on the way;
(We make such a break
On each journey we take
So that we can start fresh the next day).

But something went wrong the next morning;
I was sort of whirled round in a drum,
Then I found myself spread
On a hospital bed.
And I never intended to come.

I had tubes coming out at all angles
And dials that played funny tunes,
And water that fell
Like the strokes of a bell
From curious plastic balloons.

They told me I'd had an angina
And I'd need to revise all my food;
Now angina's a word
I've not often heard,
(If you ask me, it sounds rather rude).

Over . . .


They asked me some curious questions;
(I managed an answer to some).
But why I was here
I had no idea
'Cos I never intended to come.

Then they put me through sundry procedures;
You wouldn't believe what they did !
And I saw my own heart
On a slow-moving chart
Like low hills, and the National Grid.

Now, they say, I can't drive till they tell me;
I think that's a lousy idea;
I'm in fear of my life
Being driven by my wife;
It's the sure way to get me back here.

Still, they say I can go at the weekend;
It seems things are starting to hum.
And I don't give a damn
If I go home by tram,
'COS I NEVER INTENDED TO COME !

W. G. S.
Warrington Hospital
March 1995

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